tired, but happy
Mama Jae and I are learning this whole parenting thing as we go. I think we’re doing a pretty good job so far. We are figuring things out bit by bit, like how breastfeeding while lying down at night means more sleep for me and less fussiness for Essie. There were a couple of nights before we tried that tactic that were pretty sleepless. We’ll see how long this technique works!
I am loving watching Mama Jae with Essie. She is a natural, and the baby really responds to her as she rocks her and walks around with her and talks to her. It’s so beautiful to watch them bond. Essie herself is pretty amazing, too. I love stroking her incredibly soft skin and silky hair and looking at her tiny fingers and fingernails and ears and eyes and pouty little lips. I look at her and think about how, the whole time I was pregnant, it was this specific little person inside of me. Her little grunts and swallows while she’s breastfeeding are so primal and immediate, as are her cries, especially when she gets really worked up. And we are in charge of meeting the very primal and immediate needs of this very specific little person. Our days are sculpted around doing just that.
I’ve been having some anxiety about my parenting abilities, especially on those days when I haven’t had much sleep and it seems that nothing I try calms her down. I also sometimes worry that I don’t know enough about how to provide appropriate stimulation for her at this stage of her development. But the anxiety is mixed with the knowledge that we will figure it all out. I’m so lucky that Mama Jae is around during my maternity leave—doing these early weeks together makes things much more manageable, and I like that we are figuring things out together. It can be hard but it is so rewarding and lovely at the same time.
We’re about halfway through my maternity leave. I am trying not to think too much about going back to work, focusing instead on enjoying this time with my new little family. I know it’s going to fly by.
I love the phrase “this very specific little person” and how it speaks to the uniqueness of Essie. What a joy to get to figure things out with Mama Jae. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job!
I'm so glad you're enjoying breastfeeding and all the new primal parts of mothering. Yay for all three of you! Is Essie a nickname or is that her full name? (Sorry, I probably missed it).
You and MJ are perfect parents and are doing a great job. I know you are a natural and it's so great to see you and your little family blossom.
It is a such a tired, but happy time. How sweet that you three can be together. You will figure it all out. I love that part.
Good for you mastering the side laying nursing position! I never could and it will save you all sleep in the long run. Enjoy the time you have together, it's so very special.
You have great perspective on things, especially for someone so new to mothering! It sounds like you and Jae have a wonderful bond with Essie. Just enjoy each day, and continue to take care of yourself. It's great hearing updates.
What a beautiful time for your little family.:) Sounds like you and Mama Jae are settling right into mommyhood, tired and all!
So happy for you three. This bonding time as a family is so beautiful and sweet. You really do sound so well adjusted! I am impressed, but not surprised.