married or single?
Mama Bea forgot to tell the part of the story when the registrar came in to enter all her information into the computer, but Mama Bea was in the bathroom so I started her off. It wasn’t long before she asked me, “Married or single?” At which point I hesitated, and said something like, “Single, I guess.” And she said, “Well is she really single?” And I said, “We’re married, but it’s not legal in this state, so I guess single.” She said “ok,” and moved on. Not long after she called me “sir.” Which is a mystery, because what kind of het marriage did she think we had that wasn’t legal in this state? The worst part of it was that I felt bad for her when she asked me my name to enter as next of kin, and then I made sure to be nice to her so she wouldn’t feel bad for sir-ing me. Ugh. Well, maybe the worst part of it was telling someone that Mama Bea is single. That was way worse than not getting tax benefits and having to file extra legal documents for visitation rights, etc. Somehow saying it out loud felt like some sort of betrayal.
Anyway, to finish on a lighter note, an excerpt from an email my mom sent last night (she has lots of flex dollars to spend, apparently):
I found a thermometer can be covered by flex, so will get a baby thermometer for you (for anus).
Ugh. That's an icky feeling. The “sir” thing cracked me up, though. Things have really changed quickly, though, and I have faith that they will continue to change for the better. Here's hoping!
We've discovered that using “partnered” works pretty well. As in: “Married or single?” “Oh, partnered, actually. Is there a space on the form for that?” Even if they're completely stuck in the 50s, they usually figure it out pretty quick. If you play your cards right, sometimes they even feel bad that they actually don't have a checkbox for partnered. I wish your mom was my mom – I can't picture her ever saying anus
Although, it sounds like the baby thermometer is actually for you and your, uh, you know.
The first parts… not okay, and I'm sorry that happened to you. To any of us. It sucks. (And yes, “partnered” does the trick every time, at least in my rather liberal area.)
The lighter note is hilarious. It will give you something to smile about every time you see the thermometer. Which will be good, because the next step will likely NOT make anyone smile.
LOL…sorry, still laughing from that last part.
It always sucks when having to say “single” for legal or insurance purposes. Maybe one day…
Oh that SUCKS. It is so demoralizing and really drives home the message that your relationship is *less than*, unaccepatble, invisible.
I am sorry. And what was with the dense registrar? Ugh.
But your mom's e-mail is priceless (for anus).
The thermometer bit was so funny, I literally choked on the cracker I was eating.
I can't believe the link didn't work! I will email…
Love the email from your mom, too funny!
The single/married thing sucks every time. Every time.
I was reading along and feeling all indignant for you THEN I got the the surprise ending and laughed out LOUD, frightening my new intern on her first day.
The way your mom wrote the email, it sounds as though you plan to name your bao…. well, Anus.
As for the married/single issue, isn't it odd how we feel a desire to not make anyone else feel uncomfortable, even after they have de-classified our relationship?! Sheesh. I do like Christen's response though. We should all start politely showing that 2 boxes simply are not sufficient.
I love that. I will be saying partnered from now on.
Bummer. I still think all the financial stuff sucks the big one, but having to say that when you're starting a family together really sucks.
Thanks for this. That's the perfect way to handle it.
I had a similar experience at the insurance agency a couple of weeks ago when I added C as an additional driver. She couldn't quite wrap her head around why I would be adding her. We also have our homeowner insurance with this agency, which C is also on, so I'm not sure what was the confusion.
LOL, your mom's email cracks me up. Good to know your baby's butt thermometer needs are covered. (Seriously, though, get an infrared forehead thermometer.)
Bwa ha ha ha! Your mom's email is cracking me up.
As for the marital status thing, ugh. Esp. when you're dealing with a stressful, emotional situation. Last thing you need. I also say “partnered” and it works pretty well, but here in TX many are still dense when I do say it. Sigh. I have faith that in a more liberal / progressive city, this would improve.
This kind of thing makes me so angry. I was filling out intake forms for the OB the other day, and the only marital status options they offer are M,S,W, and D. It's all the more frustrating because same sex couples have the option of domestic partner or civil union partner as a legal status here! I always make my own box and check that off.
I am so glad that in most states of Australia we are recognised as a defacto couple now, so we at least get some kind of recognition, and can tick something other than single.
I was on welfare for 3 months between study and landing a real job, and I always ticked that I was defacto even though we weren't recognised by that govt agency (different state and federal laws- it sucks). So they'd question why I hadn't reported that I was living with someone, to which I'd tell them I am in a same-sex relationship and therefore not single. I think my record has 'opinionated lesbian' marked on it because they eventually stopped asking me, and I never stopped ticking the defacto box.
your mom said anus
I hate the married or single. In Canada we are always married, but when we cross the border to the states it is always confusing. Are we married or not? Do we line up together or seperately? Each border crossing guard tells us different things. Crossing into other countries borders where it is illegal in some ways is more simple. We are college friends traveling together. Now that we have a baby I am sure that we will have more adventures trying to figure out how to get through borders.