On sisters, doctors, houses, and otherness
As many of you have pointed out, it is probably time to consider changing our blog names. We were kind of lazy about it when we were discussing what to call ourselves back when we started this blog, and just went with “the mother” and “the other mother” because we couldn’t come up with anything else. I’ve never really liked those names, and calling myself “thebao” when I comment on other people’s blogs now seems weird, since I am not the tiny person growing inside of me or vice versa. Plus, the creepy racist/colonialist overtones of “the other” have plagued us from the get-go. So. New names. Any ideas? I am considering the following for myself: 1) “scary caterpillar eyebrows”—wow, those things are growing like crazy 2) “pizzaface”—this is great, because it has a double meaning, addressing both some of my cravings and the constant breakouts I’m experiencing. However, I am hoping that both of these monikers will only apply to me temporarily, and I’m looking for something longer term.
My name starts with B, and my partner’s with J. I am thinking something food-related, since we are so food-obsessed. Bread and Jam? Butter and Jelly? Boursin and Jarlsberg? Nothing’s really standing out here. We could do some sort of play on our middle names, an idea I really like, but I forget what J’s means. Hmm. Anyone have any brilliant ideas?
I talked to RG on the phone the other night about my anxiety around her feelings during Thanksgiving. (I’ve un-password-protected that post, by the way, in case you didn’t get the password and are interested.) I told her I hoped that it wasn’t too painful for her, and she told me that she was expecting it to be much harder than it was. So I think the whole “let’s discuss the hell out of the pregnancy while RG’s not here” strategy worked. She also said she hated the idea of me holding back in fear of hurting her feelings, and I told her that we hadn’t, that we’d talked a lot about it earlier. In short, she is fabulous and sweet and awesome, and I’m breathing a bit easier knowing that things are fine between us and that I didn’t cause her (too much) pain.
Last bit of news: we probably have our doctor. She’s one of five women in a practice with delivery privileges at Park. She is Chinese, originally from Massachusetts, and has experience with lesbian couples. WARNING: LONG, STEREOTYPE-HEAVY PARENTHETICAL ASIDE AHEAD. (I am hoping that the fact that she is Chinese will mean that J is more comfortable and more acknowledged. She didn’t mention this in her post, but sometimes people in this town think she doesn’t speak English. As weird as I know this sounds, I am also hoping that the doc’s ethnicity, where she was raised, and experience will make her more likely to be inclusive and address both of us. As much as I wish it weren’t true, we decided against three of the other women in the practice because they are southern. At this point, we are kind of over trying to give people the chance to prove us right or wrong about our east coast elitism/snobbery around the city we have made our temporary home. Especially when it comes to this very personal and intimate relationship. Somehow, knowing that she is from Massachusetts just makes me feel relaxed. I know that so many of you have lived in the Boston area, so you know what I mean. It’s just different there. And I’m a southern girl, and my daddy is a fantastic doctor born, raised, and trained in the south. I knew it already, but this experience is really driving home for me just how unique and wonderful he is in a professional sense, and how lucky the people he cared for while he was practicing were.)
Anyway. We don’t see her until the beginning of January, when I’m about 12 weeks. In the meantime, we also have an appointment set up with the local midwifery practice, just to see if our comfort level there is such that we are willing to consider delivering at University hospital. (I think I mentioned here that my dad warned us against choosing this hospital because it’s a teaching hospital and because it’s more likely to expose us to those bad hospital infections that I can’t remember the name for.) We are also touring University hospital in early January, just to make sure Park is the best choice for us. It does feel good to know that another big thing is checked off the list, though, and that a good choice has been made.
Which reminds me: we decided that our house is too small, and on Sunday we met with our realtor to discuss selling it. We’re thinking about renting a place for our last couple of years here, so we can live somewhere bigger and not have to deal with selling when we’re getting ready to move away. One of the positive things about our city is that the housing market seems to still be relatively strong, and our realtor thinks our house is great. So, that’s all well and good, but needless to say, our list of stuff to do before the baby comes just got a lot longer.
Wow! You are one busy lady. I really like the food names idea. Somehow that seems friendly and homey.
And OMG, I never thought about people thinking that the other does not speak English! Personally I think that if having a Chinese doctor from Mass can remove any difficulty from you guys, all the better. I also wanted to object about the southern doc thing bust sadly, you are all too correct. I literally call doc offices and ask about their feelings on same-sex couples when choosing a doctor. This is usually a tidbit I don't share before meeting a person but I have had far too many uncomfortable situations and find that the ask-in-advance technique saves us all pain.
Also, listen to your father on the hospital thing. Otherwise you will never hear the end of it.
i am dazzled by the amount of stuff you are getting done in your first trimester. 16 and a half weeks in and i still struggle to get my small list of to-do phone calls and other crap done. as for selling and renting, i am loving this idea. i am a definite believer in renting, especially when the situation is like yours. i can't wait to see your new glorious place. i will surely be jealous of the space.
and, from a fellow B&J couple, we are into your food-related name idea. and, while i relate to pizzaface (for your same reasons), maybe it won't work our long term. i think Bread& Jam is very cute, but I think you will have to think of a related name for Baby Bao and I don't know what that would be? Clotted cream? The other idea we had (Boo, really) was to do fruits. What pregnant lady doesn't love fruit?
Anyways, good luck with that. We are happy to vote when you come up with more ideas.
I don't regularly watch this show, but I caught an episode of Modern Family where the gay couple took their Vietnamese baby to an Asian doctor and one of the fathers kept making Vietnam cultural references and she kept rolling her eyes and saying she was from Denver. It reminds me a little of that. Awkward.
Anyhow, I fully support food names. Bread & Jam are cute. What about foods that represent who you are as opposed to the letters of your name?
Also, thanks for your comment on my blog and for welcoming me into the community.
I have spent the whole afternoon and evening thinking about your naming dilemma and here is what I have come up with:
Ruby for you (because I always think of you in your gorgeous red wedding dress)
Jade for your lovely bride (because of the not so subtle Chinese association)
Pearl for the Bao (because it is a gorgeous secret that grows inside)
I had so much fun naming you that it almost made me wish that Justine and I had chosen clever blog names.
That was actually, me, Boo. Not my lovely wife, Justine. Justine is not the type to obsess over blog names. She is actually busy doing real purposeful work.
I love the jewel references made by Justine, they are great. I asked Chefy what food she thought of when she heard the letters B and J, and she said Butter and Jam too, so… I think that's cute, and maybe little bao can be Jelly? Something tells me I'm taking this too far. Anyway…
I totally agree with this not being the time to be so forgiving and open to new docs. Time to pick the person who you think is going to make all three of you most comfortable. And congrats on the renting decision. You've got a lot of exciting things ahead!
I like the idea of using your middle names. For the sake of anonymity, I refer to almost everyone on my blog by their middle name. If they don't have a middle name, I'll just make up a name that I think suits them. I have the hardest time keeping track of who is who when people refer to themselves by just the first letter of their name. I think it's much easier to connect with a name or a word than a letter. I think the food nicknames are very cute.
I'm glad to hear your making progress on choosing your doctor and selecting a hospital. I can't wait to hear how the tour of University Hospital goes. The stories about Saint were fun in a trainwreck sort of way.
Bread and Jam is cute! I'll see if I think of any other suggestions later.
I have to admit it, I pick doctors the same way. Basically, if they were educated or are from either coast (but especially the east coast) they get a point, if they're from MA or NY, 2 points. Then I go for women, specifically women of color or obviously gay-looking women. It's pretty easy to cut down the list this way.
I'm glad you found someone who looks good – I hope she turns out to be perfect.
I like the food ideas too … but I'm so bad at blog names (as you can tell, since we went with “one” and “two”). Bread and Jam is cute. And jelly for the bao? But I like Boo's jewel suggestions, too. Anyway, your doc sounds great. We pick docs much the same way: where are they from and where were they educated? If it's not Southern, or not all Southern, we feel better about it. And Uno is born-and-raised in the South, too, so we know we're trafficking in stereotypes, yet it's our doctor! Can't risk it.
If the bao is peanut, you are butter, and the other mother is jelly…..you make a yummy PB&J!