a day later
I still can’t quite believe this has actually happened. I’m elated, amazed, humbled, scared, grateful, shocked, and struck a little dumb, all at the same time, and with an ever-present awareness of how incredibly lucky we are that it took us only four tries to get me knocked up. There are also underlying feelings of guilt that we had it so easy and of anger that so many people who have been trying much harder and longer than we have aren’t quite there yet. There’s also, of course, the fear of miscarrying. I’m trying to stay positive. I accomplish this mostly by surreptitiously feeling myself up. My boobs are (to me, anyway, and relatively speaking) HUGE, and that can only be a good sign. (Ha. SurrepTITiously.)
Anyway, since I didn’t have the wherewithal to get this all down yesterday, I thought I would treat you to a quick recap of how I spent Thursday night. I knew I was going to test the next morning (by the way, I apologize for being coy about when I would test–I just wanted all the in-real-life people who know about the blog to hear it from me personally rather than to read it here). I prepped my pee cup and the one remaining pregnancy test we had in the house, got in bed at around 11pm, and fell asleep surprisingly quickly, only to boing awake sometime between 2 and 2:30, heart pounding. I eventually realized that I had to pee, and spent some time debating whether to even get up and pee at all, and if so, whether to test. I was nervous that if I peed, I wouldn’t have enough left over in the morning to have a clear outcome on the test, and I didn’t want to wake The Other up in the middle of the night. At around 3, I eventually decided yes on peeing, no on testing; peed; and got back in bed. I spent the next hour thinking about what the outcome of the test would be and how either awesome or terrible Friday would be, because if it was negative, not only would I be bummed, but I also would be operating on very little sleep. I also thought about how I’d feel if it was positive, and if it was, how much our lives were about to change. Around four a.m. I realized I was starving and got up and had some crackers. I eventually fell asleep sometime after 4:30. (Were you aware that your heart can pound for like hours on end without exploding? Apparently it can.)
At 6:30 the alarm went off, and for some reason I did my usual temp taking. The beeping woke The Other up and she confusedly said, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I told her I hadn’t tested yet and then got out of the bed to pee. I brought the pee stick back into the bed and we waited our two minutes. You know the rest!
Yesterday was spent making some very fun phone calls to my mom, dad, sisters, and our closest friends. I also went in to the Fancy Fertility Center for bloodwork, to get progesterone and beta HCG levels checked. I could either find out the results that day and pay over $200 out of pocket, or get my results Monday and pay $15. So….we’ll hear on Monday. (Duh.) I will also go in again on Monday for a second beta, the results of which I guess we will find out on Wednesday. I saw the nurse who’d done the insemination and told her she knocked me up. The nurse who was taking my blood goes, “Oh, she’s your baby daddy?” Tee hee
For now, I am mostly hoping things are going as they should in there, enjoying re-reading all of your lovely congratulatory comments (I’m so glad those of you who had a feeling were right, too!!), and making lists of stuff to do and to read. Any suggestions on that front? As I’ve mentioned before, I have been focusing my reading about this process on the current stage I’m in, and would love any and all suggestions for pregnancy books and other resources.
I am also spending a lot of time hoping, hoping, hoping that my lovely older lesbian sister’s two inseminations this weekend will mean that she has excellent news to share over Thanksgiving dinner. If you have some to spare, please send positive thoughts her way!
OMG, I can't believe I missed this!!! Congratulations mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayyyyyy!!!!!
Your emotions of guilt are completely understandable, but try and focus on your wonderful news. You deserve this!!
How exciting! It seems as though you had a pretty good idea that this cycle was going to work.
As for the guilt feelings, thank you but try not to let these feelings steal your joy right now. Truly those of us who have been in the waiting area for too long would not wish our fate upon anyone (especially someone we have come to care about).
Hmmm, as for reading suggestions: I don't know a name but get one of those baby books that tells what your baby is doing each week along with photos.
what a sweet moment, congrats again!!
my fav pregnancy book is the pregnancy journal by christine harris – its just a day by day of whats going on in there. no assumptions you have a male partner, which is nice, and nothing too scary about what could go wrong.
so glad to get more of the play by play! i know that early morning thinking session well!! we've been thinking about you guys today. i say: just stay positive and optimistic. it's a crazy ride, but you'll do great and there's no use in worrying until you have something to actually worry about. i suggest not reading yet- or read very little. it seems people are into scaring you at this point and i was so not into that. stay away from all miscarriage info at least. after that, i am loving the Sears' book on pregnancy and I also have some week by week thing that shows you freaky pictures in actual sizes, which is fun until you start to feel your uterus grow. and then it gets a bit frightening! really, i think: just enjoy all the excitement and your girls. (haha)
and keep us updated!
Oh sweetheart, I'm so happy you get to have this beautiful experience. You two are going to be wonderful mamas. I didn't realize you had and older sister who is a lez
AND ttc. What and exciting time for your family! I have a few books that I really like – A Child is Born which is really more of a picture book for pregnancy than a how to book but the images are so amazing and I loved looking at them when I was pg. I also like the Mayo Clinic's Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy and The unofficial Guide to Having a Baby.
Congrats you two!!! Ooops, I mean you three!
So, SO happy for you guys. No guilt! Drink it all in.
Of course i've never been pregnant so take my assvice with a grain of salf, but maybe something about preg that's not so technical but more of a humorous take on it. That way you don't get all caught up in the worry of it all and can just enjoy the changes.
Thanks for posting the deets on the big news day, it's so great to read these celebratory posts. When I read your last post I jumped up and screamed and Chefy knew that I was reading about one of my blogshpere buddies getting knocked up. We are both very happy for you two, and good thoughts about your sister's tww. Yay!!!
YAY, this is amazing, congratulations!!
I too, read by the current stage, I seem to digest more that way!
Hopefully you will always hold onto those beginning moments as wonderful memories, especially about 9 months from now. We loved the Our Bodies, Ourselves Guide to Pregnancy and Birth. My Pregnancy: week by week is also really interesting.
Again, so so excited for you! Sending knocked up vibes to your sis as well.
I love “Our Bodies, Ourselves guide to pregnancy and birth”. Our local library had it, and I think in general the library is a good place to start.
Nobody who has known the pain and self doubt that comes along with struggling to conceive would wish that on anyone. You have every right to be over the moon happy now. I was never one to put the cart before the horse, so unfortunately I can't suggest any good reading for a mama to be.
Oh, good luck to your sister- what a joy that would be for your family to have TWO babies on the way! The cousins would have so much fun growing up together!
Yey, yey, yey! Your posts continue to make me smile.
As far as reading goes, I enjoyed the WTEWYE book, even though many people didn't. I also liked the Pregnancy Weekly book that my insurance company mailed to me when we enrolled in the Moms To Be program… I can't remember its exact name, but I'll check and get back to you. I also LOVED the many websites that send a weekly/daily/monthly update about where the kiddo was — a few faves: whattoexpect.com, about.com – pregnancy & childbirth, and fit pregnancy (which has an online version of their magazine available free of charge). I also really enjoy the Pregnancy Weekly site from Amalah / Alpha Mom. I still read these every week, and often have to stop myself from reading too far ahead.
I'm a big fan of podcasts too, so if you're in the market, my favorite is Baby Time… follows along with a couple as they talk through their pregnancy weekly. It's nice to hear someone talk about all the crap I was worried about / excited about / tired of, so I felt less like a crazy girl. 
Again, YEY!!!
omg! this is great news! you two must be walking on a cloud. we loved reading this play by play and look forward to hearing more. YAY!
I can’t believe I missed this, but congratulations! This is so exciting.
My favorite pregnancy book was the Sears book–so positive, informative, and not dumbed down like some are (although the mentions of the father did annoy me). I also subscribed to Fit Pregnancy magazine and loved it. Finally, there is this beautiful picture book called From Conception to Birth that has images of the baby throughout the whole pregnancy. My wife and I loved looking at it each week to see how our little one had changed.