By Monday, which was 10 DPO (I think), I had given up on this cycle. I had zero symptoms. I spent all day being sad, sad, sad. I didn’t WANT to do injectables. I didn’t WANT to buy more sperm. All kinds of negative thoughts surrounding my body and its ability to do what I wanted it to were swirling around me all day. To top it all off, fertility friend had taken away my pretty vertical red line right above IUI day because I’d had several temps below my cover line, so it was as if even the stupid phone app didn’t think there was any possibility. Usually I can pull myself out of a funk (or Mama Jae can) but Monday was just hard.
So by yesterday, probably 13 DPO, I was done with this cycle and had mourned it and was on to the next thing. I sperm-shopped. Decided I’d have sangria on Friday once spotting started or the test was negative. After work yesterday, Mama Jae and I discussed what we would say in our appointment with our doctor today, which we had made to see what other options might be available other than injectables, like maybe IUIs closer together or trigger shots at different times or maybe doing another HSG.
Then I woke up this morning, temped, expecting a pre-period drop, and instead logged an unexpectedly high temp.
Then I went to the bathroom and checked very thoroughly (ahem!) for blood, because I’d begun spotting the last time I’d peed on a stick but hadn’t noticed until I’d already peed and wasted the stupid thing. No blood.
Then I took the test. Didn’t really look at it. Got back into bed with Mama Jae. Looked at it. And there it was: a faint plus sign.
still life with faint positive, tp, and curve magazine
“I might have been wrong,” I told Mama Jae. “You’re always wrong,” she said. “You don’t even know what it feels like when you have to poop and you do that twice a day. You were pregnant once four years ago; of course you don’t remember what it feels like.”
Of course I had to go to our fertility clinic to get a blood test before work, but of course the post-test discussing/cuddling/celebrating is not usually part of our morning routine so we were running late. So I was about half an hour late to work but thankfully my boss is out of town. I’ll get bloodwork results sometime this afternoon and then I guess I’ll go back on Sunday unless the bloodwork indicates that the test was a lie. I’ve spent the morning in semi-disbelief but of course have started researching midwives/OBs and hospitals. And talking to my mom, of course, who was ecstatic, of course. I think I’ll wait to tell my sisters until at least after today’s blood results.
ETA: UPDATE: Beta is 143. Pregnant!